I Have No Idea What I'm Doing


I’ve shuffled from job to job since college. Two Viacom internships, Victoria’s Secret manager, marketing account coordinator, front desk at an ob-gyn office, and now, histotechnologist. None of these are my dream job. Well, Nickelodeon was close, but seriously, who wouldn’t love that job?

I listened to a TED Radio Hour not too long ago that included several different people sharing what they have learned about following your passion and what it means to be successful. Tony Robbins just made me tired. Others shared research on strategy and grit. All stuff you’ve probably heard before so that by the time it hits your brain it sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Mike Rowe had a different idea. Stop trying to be the pop culture version of “success” and just do what makes you happy. He said the happiest people he’s ever met were the subjects of his show “Dirty Jobs.” They had (sometimes literally) shitty jobs, but they were happy. Success to them isn’t about being CEO or having millions of dollars, though they often made a lot more than you’d think. They have balance and curiosity and general satisfaction. “Don’t follow your passion. Bring it with you,” is what he says. I know what he means, but I’m not sure I follow.

What I do now is very interesting and I’m good at it. I work in the mysterious “lab” that biopsies run off to before your doctor calls with the results. My hours are good. There is no such thing as taking work home and I make a decent wage. Aside from the exposure to hazardous material, it sounds pretty great. So what’s the problem? I don’t really know, but I do know I won’t be sitting at a microtome until I retire.

I crave autonomy and flexibility. I love the idea of creating my own work on my own time. So what’s the problem there?

I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’ve done blogging here and there, but no professional writing (I’d like to). I’m bad at Twitter and I love looking at cats on the internet. But I do have an idea, and I happen to be living in a great time period for ideas. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.

My idea is what you are looking at right now. My blog, my photography, my writing. Media was my first career love. Being behind a camera is exhilarating. Creating and sharing information- that’s what I want to do.

But I still have no idea what I’m doing.

I’ve created a brand. I’m promoting that brand. I want to build on that brand. I want to increase my writing portfolio. I want to keep taking photographs of unique moments all around the world. I want people to share their own experiences with me. I want to bring attention to the little things that often get overlooked but deserve a second glance.

I also really want to do a podcast. I already have ideas and I’ve started researching those ideas. I’m listening to Alex Bloomberg’s StartUp and it’s scary. Ira Glass, Sarah Koenig, Jad Abumrad, Chris Hardwick and Felicia Day are my heroes. I think I would be happy doing what they are doing.

I just need to know how to do it.